Swapping Mother-in-law Stories

Today I was in studio for a taping of a a web talk show I produce and one of our episodes focused on mothers-in-law (MILs in internet speak). In the green room there was lots of sharing of stories about MILs. Mostly horror stories. Overreaching women who criticize your parenting. Moms who still treat their adult sons like small spoiled children. The term “monster-in-law” was tossed around.

I laughed along with everyone – it was the socially acceptable thing to do – but my heart wasn’t in it. I didn’t have any stories to share. I only met my husband’s mother a handful of times. Less than a handful – three times. She died during our first few months of dating and I wish with all my heart I had a horror story about her to share because that would mean I got to know her well enough to complain. But, I never got to.

The only story I have to share is the one where I helped her take off her knee highs when I noticed she looked uncomfortable in her bed in the ER the night before the morning she died. We bonded over a hatred of tight leg coverings that leave lines on your calves. We laughed about how none of the men around her had noticed her discomfort since none had ever been tortured by knee highs. Nobody in the green room today wanted to hear this story.

I know my loss isn’t comparable to my husband’s, but hardly a week goes by when I don’t wish she were around. I wish my kids had gotten to meet their grandmother. I wish I had gotten to hear more stories about my husband’s childhood. I wish I’d gotten to know the strong, smart woman who’d raised the amazing man I love. I wish I had a mother-in-law to complain about. I wish, I wish.

A Brooklyn Autism Story

My job involves a lot of talk about Kardashian baby bumps and 50 Shades of Grey casting news, but we also do some really inspiring original stories. In honor of Autism Awareness Day, I wanted to share one of those stories.

PS – This school is A-MAZ-ING – right?

Forecast for a Spring Revival

Today marks day one in my personal blogging challenge: to post something daily in this here blog every day in the month of April.  Excuse me as I dust off the writing chops – it’s going to take some time to find my words again.

Let’s start easy – a photo post!

Last week was Spring Break here in New York, so we escaped the late season snow for a few days in Arizona. I know what you’re asking yourself… It’s the same question everyone has asked us when we said we were going to Arizona.

“Do you have family there?”

No. If we had family there we probably would have gone elsewhere. Like to Florida with everyone else in the tristate area. Instead, we went west for the lovely desert climate, the resort pool, cheap airfare, and most importantly a mental time-out. And I highly recommend it! Behold…

 

Blue, cloudless skies. Highs of 80. No humidity.

 

Prickly pear margarita(s) to wash down all that sunshine

 

Family selfie in a Wild West stagecoach – can’t do that in Florida

 

And plenty of time to enjoy the bee-yoo-tiful views

I’ve conveniently skipped over the part about flying cross country with the stomach flu, but there are no photos to document that death-defying experience. So, it must not have happened! [Mind Eraser]

 

Back in Biz

I started blogging 6 years ago. It was mostly to document my first pregnancy for friends and family, but eventually grew into something more. A personal journal, a sounding board, a friend finder, a connection to my feelings, a connection to others.

It’s been a few years since I blogged consistently. I built a blogging platform, employed a team of writers and editors and suddenly my work and my pastime felt too close together. Lines were blurred. Blogging was for work, not for me-time and I stopped.

But, lately I feel like life is passing me by and I’m not stopping to take time to reflect and just notice life. My pledge to myself is to start blogging again. Write or photograph something every day that sparks my creative engine or slows me down to think.

Today this photo made me stop and smile. And then stop and smile again each time I passed the photographer’s envelope on the table.

 

School photos are usually so blah, but this is not blah at all. This photo captures Owen’s personality completely. The smile. The gleam in the eye. If you could scan down you’d see he’s wearing a batman shirt and a purple cast. He’s one of a kind and I’m so glad he’s mine.

Dreaming of a White Kitchen…

I have a minor case of OCD when it comes to decorating and renovations. I obsess over things for months before finally making a purchase or starting a project. Hence, our home is still not fully decorated after over a year and a half in it.

But, why buy knick knacks, when you could gut reno an entire kitchen? I didn't even allow my mind to drift here for a long time because our kitchen is only 2 years old. But it's not our style at all and poorly designed. So, I thought I'd just give it a facelift – rip out the French Country ornate crap, try to add some more storage and work space and basically put a big, pretty band aid on it. But, that band aid is going to cost a lot of dollar signs. So, now I'm envisioning a gut renovation to give us exactly what we want. Chances of actually doing this reno this year, probably around 30%. But, just in case, I'm collecting inspiration.

Restless

We're coming out of that first year of parenting fog around these parts. We all sleep at night. Nobody is sleeping in the living room. Or the kitchen. It's possible to talk after 8pm. And OMG I don't know what to do with myself…

Fridays are especially OMG because Spencer has been going to camp in the morning and Owen sleeps in the morning and I am alone to do whatever I please. It's so weird.

I'm feeling rebellious lately but have nothing to rebel against. Life is pretty damn good. My kids are happy and healthy. My marriage is strong. I like my job. Even the Jets are supposed to be good this year.

So, today I rebelled against my hair. I dyed it red with a kit from the drugstore. This would be a better story if it had turned out green or all my hair fell out. But, my hair is ok, just like my life.

I need a creative outlet. Parenting and work have filled every crevice in my intellectual, emotional and creative spaces over the last year, but now there is empty space to be filled. I'm blogging again which is a baby step, but it's not enough.

Happy 1st Birthday, Owen!

Happy Birthday to my jolly giant! 

You've brightened our lives with your big smiles and happy disposition for the past year.You've grown into a little boy with a big personality and an even bigger appetite.
You're so adventurous – never afraid to try things. We've learned how easy we had it with your more cautious older brother. You get frustrated when you fail, but only because you're so eager to be able to do all the things Spencer can do.

Food is your first love. You're never happier than when you're sitting in your high chair with a smorgasbord of finger foods to feast on. You already eat more than your brother at some meals. It shows too – at 1 year, you already weigh 25 pounds.

Other things you love:

• The Ergo. When I get this carrier out, you go nuts with excitement. You bounce up and down on your knees and start squawking in anticipation.
• Looking Out the Window. You talk to the people walking down the street and get lots of smiles in return.

• Your Kitty Cat. You sleep with this stuffed animal and lately you've been putting it under your head as a pillow. Sooo sweet.
• Music. You've got rhythm and it certainly didn't come from me. You love to dance whenever you hear a beat.
  You've just started walking this week.

 You can take 5 or 6 steps now before you topple over. You look up expectantly when you fall, waiting for us to clap for you. You love the spotlight! 

It's been a great year, my baby. I'm getting emotional writing this post. I haven't really taken the time to reflect on the significance of your birthday, but it's a biggie. No more babies for me. This year has flown by and the years are just going to keep flying by. I'm going to try to do a better job of taking it all in. Our life is kind of crazy right now – hectic would be too subtle a term to describe it – but I'm going to look back when it's gone and miss all this frenetic energy.

Much love, sweetie. Thanks for all the laughs, love, and smiles you've brought to our lives.

Mom ❤

Dear Owen: Month 10

This is going to be a photo heavy post because you're just so darn cute. You're crawling everywhere, pulling up on everything and walking behind push toys. You're a little bit devilish, making a mad dash for the open dishwasher, the pantry, the steps – basically anywhere you know you're not supposed to be. But, I can't blame you – so much to explore, so much to see. I really can't quite believe this is my tenth letter to you already and you're going to be 1 so soon. It's going by so fast – slow down my little friend. Love, Mom

 

And let's not forget your big brother, here's what he's been up to…

 

Dear Owen: Month 9

So, this is technically 9.5 months, but who's counting. Not you. Not yet. But you are MOTORING! Holy cow, can you get around. You see something, like for instance an open bathroom door or an open gate at the top of the stairs, and you're off to the races.

And when you're not crawling, you're standing.  You pull yourself up on everything. I remember your brother wasn't walking yet at his first birthday, but I'm pretty sure you will be.

At the doctor this month, you weighed in at 22 pounds, continuing to hold your spot at the top of the growth chart. I got scolded for not giving you more finger foods yet, so that's my mission this month. So far, you're just not a fan, but I know you will be. 

You talk and smile and laugh all day long. You brighten up the household with your beautiful disposition. I want to bottle up your nature and drink it all day, every day. Yes, I love you that much. Never change, my sweet, sweet boy.

Dear Owen: Month 8

Has it only been a month since my last update? It feels like much longer. We've survived the stomach flu and you've made some big developmental leaps.  As predicted, we have motion:

Each day, your crawling motion is getting a little smoother and little faster and little more frightening. I'm not ready for this! You also seem to be a climber, something we never had to worry about with Spencer. You try to pull yourself up on everything you can get your hands on.

Being able to crawl really makes you seem older. You don't seem like quite so much of a baby anymore. I'm getting whiffs of the boy you're going to become.

You're still pretty chill, but have learned the effects of crying and use it to your advantage. You act like taking a nap is an absolute injustice: "But, mom I want to keep playing and crawling forevvvver!"

Your favorite toys are the TV remote control, my iPhone, and Spencer's Bob the Builder lego toy. You get into whatever your brother is playing with – grabbing his toys, disassembling his puzzles, and generally driving him a little crazy. Still, Spencer has a lot of patience with you despite being a generally impatient 3-year-old. He lets you hold Bob and offers to get you toys to keep you busy.

We visited the urologist last week to check on your kidneys. The ultrasound revealed no damage and good growth. Yay! Now we're going to wait until September to do the VCUG (sorry in advance – I wish you didn't have to go through it again!) to see how things are healing, but it's a good sign that your kidneys look good and no infections.

What's up next? I'm still waiting for you to say "mama". It's all "dada, dada, dada". We're going to have to try finger foods this month. I gave you a cheerio last week, but I couldn't handle watching you gag on it. Choking on food makes me extremely nervous – please take it easy on your mama.

Love you cutie pie!