33 weeks

No, that's not a basketball beach ball in my shirt. Lordy, I don't know how I'm going to make it to the end. Exhausted doesn't seem adequate to describe my current state of being. By Thursday nights when I get home from work, I'm just a puddle. Last night I just lay on the couch, unable to move or eat or do anything useful.

The midwife visited today. Everything is looking completely normal. I'm hoping for an early delivery. Spencer came at 38 weeks exactly. How about 37 weeks for this little guy? Come on, baby, make mama happy.

Another thing that will make this mama happy – I scheduled a prenatal massage for myself on Sunday. Bring it on.

Indie Kid

Saturday was Spencer's first soccer class. He LOVED it. He stacked cones and kicked the ball and chased the instructor. But, my favorite moment was watching him just sit and chill.

(that's him in the middle with the hat…)

When did my little boy get so independent? He's totally cool just sitting there by himself. He's not looking for mommy or daddy (though he did do that at times). Another milestone happened on Saturday morning even before class. We all got up bright and early. Hubby and I went straight to the coffee maker and Spencer told us he was going downstairs to play…. And he did! All by himself. And for a long time (at least in 2 year old terms).

I can't think of better time to hit this milestone. I am so scared of how Spencer will react to the lack of attention he's going to get when this baby comes and this new behavior is a big comfort. 

Hoppy Easter!

Willpower

We haven't talked about poop here for awhile… It's that time again. Mama needs to vent. I know every parent has some special issue that they deal with and apparently our issue is poop. We've been dealing with poop issues since Spencer was 6 months old and I'm really, really, really ready to stop thinking about it.

Our latest issue started in December with hellish car rides to and from Pennsylvania. From August until that trip, Spencer actually pooped exclusively in the potty. He seemed to like it. It solved the issue he was having where he hated to be messy in his diaper. Life was good. But, then things switched in an instant. All of sudden, he didn't want to poop any more. Not in the big toilet, the baby toilet, his diaper. Nope, he just decided he'd stop pooping.

And, my god, the willpower this boy has. He can hold his poop for a week. And, trust me – he HAS to go. Our lives are hell when he has to go, but is refusing to do the deed. He is irritable and screechy. He dances around, holding his bum, screaming. He doesn't want to go outside. He doesn't want to play. He doesn't want to eat.

We're 99% sure the problem is purely psychological and that there's no physical issues going on. He can poop. He could poop every day if he wanted to. But instead of trying to go, he tries to hold it. Apparently this is some kind of control exercise for him and I'm not supposed to express anxiety or irritation, as those emotions will just egg him on. (Ha, ha, ha – whatever doctor came up with that theory has obviously never dealt with this issue firsthand.)

We ply him with fiber and more fiber and more fiber and yet he continues to win the battle of the prunes. The only time he actually goes is when he lets down his guard 1. in the bathtub 2. in his sleep or 3. at a playdate when he's having too much fun to stop and hold it. When he does go, we clap and give stickers and offer him chocolate – anything to make him want to do it again. But, alas, even the power of chocolate can't break down his defenses. I wish there was some magic way to make it all stop (or really to make it all start going again), but I think this is just going to require truckloads of patience on our part.

Ugh.

In the meantime, I have a distraction. I bought myself a gift and the mad pooper is happy to be my test subject while I learn how to use it:

2 year olds scare me

Are all toddlers like this? One minute I have a dear, sweet little boy who wants to cuddle with me and give his little brother kisses, the next I have a little shrieking monster who refuses to poop, feed himself, or listen to reason. It's testing every bit of patience I have, which isn't much because I'm tired (so, so tired) and I'm not the nicest person when I'm this tired.

Monday I took a vacation day from work to relax. This pregnancy is kind of kicking my ass and I had a vacation day to use or I'd lose it. I still had the nanny come as scheduled and thought I might play a little bit with Spencer, but mostly nap and drink hot beverages and read. My little monster had other plans. Since I was there, he wouldn't let our nanny feed him, clothe him, or bathe him. He went outside with her, but only while kicking and screaming. "No, mommy do it!" "No, mommy do it!" – that was the refrain I heard all day.

Not exactly relaxing. But, more than that, I'm totally frightened for maternity leave now. Is this what every day is going to be like this summer? I had this romantic vision in my head that since I'd have the nanny there, we'd alternate kids and I'd get one-on-one time with each of them. Maybe take a few naps. All in all, it would hard, but having our nanny there would make it much, much easier. Now I'm not so sure. Maybe it's a phase? Please lord, let it be a phase that ends in the next 2 months.

In other news, I'm 30 weeks along today! It feels like a milestone and I am feeling ready to meet this little guy. His movements have transformed from little kicks and jabs to big time punches. He's feeling like a little human in there and I'm excited to meet him. I've also entered that phase of pregnancy where I'm huge enough that I get several comments a day from strangers like "any day now – huh?" to which I reply outwardly "2 more months" and inwardly "but thanks for thinking I look THAT big."

Happy one minute:

 

Pissed the next: