Sliding into Month 12

Literally…

With the big first birthday looming on the horizon, Spence seems to be feeling the pressure and wanting to make sure he meets all his milestones before the big day. The cruising has begun in earnest. Finally he’s getting a few more teeth. It looks like 3 or 4 of the top teeth are finally coming in to keep the two on the bottom company. He’s Mr. Independent with his food. Making huge messes, but loving being able to feed himself. He seems to be on the verge of mastering the sippy cup (well, the kind with a straw – do you still call that a sippy cup?).

It’s all happening very fast. It’s exciting, but not without a few speedbumps. (Literally, some bumps.) He threw his first public freakout on Friday during a playdate. It was the first time since his colicky first weeks that I could not calm him down. He screamed like a banshee (what is a banshee by the way?) all the way home. Everyone looked at us either with pity (the other parents) or disgust (the hipsters) as I raced home with him on one hip – screaming, nose dripping down my arm, tears soaking our shirts – and pushing the stroller with the other. Once home, he went straight to bed, so apparently that’s how he tells me he’s tired now. Anyow, the point is, he’s almost like a new kid every day. He’s changing that much right now.

So, we look forward to this last month of his first year with interest, trepidation, nostalgia, and excitement for all the big changes to come.

An Exercise in Self-Portraiture

Prude-O-Meter

Our hotel in South Beach was beautiful. Elegant. Here check it out:

So, like I said – nice – right? Buttoned up style. The kind of place you’d be proud to show your parents. And they were so thoughtful – they gave us bottles of water each time we headed out, gave us a card signed by all the staff, hats, and a t-shirt when we checked out, and printed out menus for us so we could decide where we wanted to go to dinner.

So, imagine my surprise when I saw the list of DVDs you could request for your room. I don’t consider myself a prude, but it definitely made me blush…

• Cum Swapping Sluts 4
• Brazilian Butt Fiesta
• Big Black Poles in Little White Holes [Wait! There’s more in case you didn’t understand the subtle innuendos in the first part of the title…] Black Dicks in White Chicks
• Ball Gravy [We had to Google this one]
• Give Me a Cram Pie 5 [I can’t believe I missed the first 4 in the series!]

The list goes on and on. They were even thoughtful enough to divide into categories for us – Straight, Male/Gay, Female/Gay, and Fetish. The weirdest part is that these aren’t movies you can just order up on your TV so that only you and the credit card company knows about them. You actually have to call the front desk and ask them to bring the DVD to your room.

Um, Hello. We were thinking of watching a movie this afternoon. Could you please bring "Not Too Young For Cum" up for us?

Who does that?

 

The Goodness of South Beach

Here’s some things that happened on our trip to Miami…

– I cried (just a few tears) when our plane started the descent into Miami because I was sad to be so far away from Spence.

– The champagne and chocolate covered strawberries waiting in our beautiful hotel room went a long way towards cheering me up. The surprise treats were just that good.

– Just when the humidity and walking were starting to make me cranky, my husband bought me an Attitude Improvement and I forgot about EVERYTHING. The drinks were just that good strong.

– We slept in until 10:30 on Sunday, after waking briefly at 9am to eat the croissants and coffee the hotel staff brought to us in bed. The hotel was just that good.

– We had the most perfectly delicious dinner (aka flavor explosion) at China Grill. I can still taste the Dragon Roll. And the Lamb Spareribs with their yummy plum sauce. And the blackened pork tenderloin with purple peruvian mash and a chunky mandarin orange vinaigrette. Don’t forget the bananas and caramel in a box. Dinner was just that good.

– On Monday we had the pool to ourselves and spent an hour splashing and doing swim races. We went to the airport with our hair still went and fingers pruned from the water. Acting like a kid is just that good.

Here are a few things NOT on the list of things that happened during our trip:
– Traffic
– Flight Delays
– Nervous parents worrying about their baby (missing – yes, worrying – no)

Vacation was just that good.

Going to Miami

Tomorrow morning I’m heading down to Miami with my husband for 3 days of fun, sun, and frozen drinks. You’d think that my husband and I would be bubbling with anticipation, talking about our upcoming trip.

But, quite the opposite. We haven’t discussed it all since we booked the trip. I think we’re both afraid that if we talk about it we’ll back out.

When did I become such a wuss? I’m the girl who has flown all over the world, often solo. Motherhood does funny things to you. I don’t want to leave my baby. I want to spend every minute I can with him. But, I know this trip is important. We need some time alone, to re-connect, and to have some fun.

We’re lucky that my mom has offered to come up here and watch Spencer so we can take this trip. We’re lucky we can take this trip. We are going to have fun. Yes, we are going to have fun.

Gulp!

Spencer will not be held down by his oppressive parents any more. He’s rising up in rebellion. Or maybe he’s just rising up because he just figured out how to pull himself up and how cool must that be to just figure that sort of life changing thing out?

For a nervous nelly like myself, it’s hard to watch. Before work today he already hit his head twice. He’s like a little monkey trying to climb everything. He tries to climb the coffee table and bumps his head (so I bought this last night). He tries to climb his stroller and it rolls away. He tries to climb his crib and laughs at his parents when they find him standing there in the morning. He tries to climb his mama using her hair and bra straps and nose for support.

This weekend the hubby and I are going away to the southermost regions of the east coast for a little R&R couple’s time away. My mom is coming to deal with the little monkey.  She hasn’t seen him in about 6 weeks and I feel like he’s so much more of a handful now. I know they’ll have fun and she’ll love her time with him, but is she ever going to be tired by the time we get home on Monday night! And as excited as I am for a little vaca, I’m going to miss my little monkey SO MUCH!

Counting Down

You know what’s really great? When you’re struggling to find the words and then somebody finds them for you. Sheri (who is my blogging soulmate since she had her cutie Leo the same day I had Spencer + she has amazing taste in TV shows) wrote my post for me. (Thanks, Sheri!)

The big 1 year birthday has been on my mind a lot lately. Everytime I write one of those "this month" posts (over there in my right sidebar thingy) I can’t help but tick off how many more until it’s not about the months anymore and it’s all about the years. (Oh gosh – remember when we were counting weeks not months? Waaah!) As much as I really want to focus on the here and now, I find myself skipping ahead and getting all squishy emotional when I think that I will soon be the mother of a one-year-old.

In a lot of ways, the one-year birthday is just going to be officially marking what’s become abundantly obvious lately: My baby is no longer a baby. I mean, he did the little spider climbing hand motions to itsy bitsy spider song for me yesterday. And he give me high-fives. Those are decidedly more toddler actions than baby actions. My only saving grace right now is that he hasn’t started walking — at least he still scoots around on his belly like a baby.

The funny thing is that all these thoughts are totally irrational. Why do I want him to stay a baby when every day he is growing into this even more amazing little guy? I get to see more of his personality and interact with him on a deeper level. It’s truly astonishing – just going by WAY too quickly.

At least he can’t tell me not to dress him in shirts like these yet:

Stick a fork in me

We’ve been busy. Very busy. Just today we went to Spencer’s first swim class (fun – he even went underwater without crying – before today he freaked out whenever water touched his face.) and then to Baby Loves Disco  ( fun too, but it’s a little weird to dance to your baby to Humpty Dance (in public)). It’s now
7pm and Spencer just rolled over with his pacifier in his mouth – lights out. I might not be very far behind. But, first here are a few photos from last weekend & today. Looking at them makes me realize how lucky we are to have so much to do so nearby.

At the carousel:

At the baseball game:

Baby Loves Disco (and bubbles)

Chilling out in the Chill Out Room at Baby Loves Disco

PS – I was going to write a post about our nanny resolution, but I just can’t. It’s too emotionally draining. In 20 words or less: She didn’t come Tuesday. ANGER! I fired her. She begged. Said Spencer is her life. She is back – trial basis.   

Bringing My Funky Back

Two weeks ago as part of my post-baby makeover, I decided to get new glasses. At the time, I was feeling confident. So confident that I decided to go for the somewhat funky, bold (and frankly too expensive) frames. I have been waiting impatiently to come in so I could transform into my new funkafied persona.

Well, they came in yesterday. I picked them up. I convinced myself in the store that I looked funky fresh. But, every time I saw my reflection I cringed a little. I hid in my office at work so nobody would see my new glasses.

Sometime in the past two weeks, I lost my funk and my courage. And I’m not sure how to get it back or even if I want it back. It’s so much easier to just lay low. Be under the radar. Not deal with things. If nobody notices me, maybe I’ll have less crap to deal with.

There’s been too much conflict in my life recently – with friends, with co-workers, with the nanny. And then there are the things that should bring excitement like a big promotion at work, but they just bring me anxiety. Will I be able to live up to these expectations? Since I’ve come back to work, I have put enormous amounts of pressure on myself to make sure I’m contributing more than ever even though I’m working 4 days a week. I don’t want people to think that since I’m a mom, it’s changed my work. I realize I’m over-compensating for my own self-doubt, but I don’t know how to stop.

Clearly, new funky glasses are not going to solve all my problems. So I tossed and turned last night while I practiced silently how’d I’d explain to the store that I’d changed my mind and wanted different glasses. I looked at the ceiling and wondered how they would react and how much they’d charge me for my guffaw. I basically beat myself up over this for hours.

Well, I just got back from the store. I told the store clerk that I wasn’t happy with my glasses – that they were too funky. She wasn’t mean or judgemental. She patiently spent 45 minutes giving me other frames to try on while I indecisively checked myself out in the mirror. At the end I picked  a new, less-funky pair and instead of charging me for my change of heart, they actually refunded me $111 because the new frames were less expensive.   

So, where is this going? I think there are lessons to be learned: I need to stop building things up and creating stress for myself where there is none. I need to stop beating myself up and trying to be perfect. Wearing cool glasses or being able to fit into my old jeans is not going to fix anything – I need to find confidence from within. And, it would hurt for me to chill the F$%# out.

Nanny Drama – Scene 23

We’ve had a fabulous weekend. Lots of fun family time including a Caribbean dance party (for toddlers), a carousel ride and a baseball game. I’ve been going to the gym so I’m feeling better about myself. And I got some time with my girlfriends. This should be a happy post, damn it.

But, I’m about to either cry or throw the computer or both. It’s about our nanny. After all the drama, we didn’t fire her. But, she’s been on leave for the past 2 months. She is supposed to come back tomorrow. A few hours ago I got a call from our backup saying that she heard our nanny is in the hospital and do we need her to come again tomorrow. Say what??? I called our nanny’s brother (whom she’s been living with while she recovered) and confirmed that yes, she is indeed in the hospital, but he thinks she is working tomorrow. He said she’d call us. That was 3 hours ago. It’s now 4pm and I don’t know if she’s going to be at work tomorrow. I have to lean towards no, since she’s in the freakin’ hospital. We had a tough talk with her in July telling her that we like, we want her to work for us, but she HAS TO COMMUNICATE BETTER. This is not communication. I want to know what’s going on. I thought all this was behind us. I hate being an adult sometimes.