Dumb and dumber (that’s me and me)

I didn’t learn my lesson.

I continued to tempt the computer gods and upload hundreds of photos without a single backup. I am seriously beating myself up over this one. It was so dumb not to backup my hard drive. But, this time it was a Mac and those don’t break – right? And what are the chances of it happening twice to me within a year?

Well, I took my non-starting computer in today to the Mac store and they gave me the dreaded diagnosis – it’s kaput. And then they sent me to the place that tries to recover the data for an upfront fee of (gulp!) $600. I won’t know for a week if they are successful. It’s mostly sentimental reasons I shelled out the bucks. All those photos of Spencer. I feel like I lost his first year. The logical side of me knows that I have many, many of the photos uploaded to Kodak Gallery. But, the sentimental side of me wants every single last photo. And the originals, too, not some resized version on a website that I can’t keep on my computer. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

All Hail Vapo Rub!

Spencer has basically been sick since December 15 (we had 1 week snot reprieve at the beginning of the month) and I’m finding myself willing to try just about anything at this point, no matter how hippy-dippy or quackerific it sounds.

Last night he had this horrible, heartbreaking cough. He was so incredibly tired, but every time he fell asleep he’d wake himself up coughing. We tried honey. And the vaporizer. And sitting in the steamy bathroom. But, what finally got us all some sleep was Vicks BabyRub. Apparently there have been emails circulating about this "miracle" coughing cure, but I hadn’t gotten the message (thanks a lot, everyone!). The thing is that it doesn’t do squat when you put it on the chest and back as directed. The secret is to rub it on the bottom of the feet.

I’m always shocked when these things work. But, I rubbed it on his feet at around 11pm and the coughing STOPPED IMMEDIATELY. He went down to sleep and I didn’t hear another cough until 7am this morning.

Other things that have shocked me recently when they seemed to work:

– Using garlic drops to help an ear infection – On Saturday Spencer could not function. He could not walk. At one point his balance was so off that he did a full faceplant onto the hardwood floors. And of course, the pediatrician’s office wasn’t open. So, I asked Dr. Google what to do and found that a natural remedy is using garlic oil + olive oil drops. Within an hour, he had his balance back and stopped pulling at his ears. Coincidence?

– Using sea sickness bands to cure carsickness – Last Fall Spencer started getting car sick. We couldn’t even go on a 15-minute drive without the threat of puke. So, I read that seasickness bands can help. They are just little sweatband looking things in bright neon colors with a little plastic ball built in that puts pressure on the back of your wrists. Since we started using them, zero puke. Coincidence?

Part of me wants to believe it’s just a bit of luck when the non-traditional cures work. But, I am becoming a believer. I’m not going to shun doctors or anything. In fact, I am taking Spencer tonight to get him checked out by a licensed professional. But, I do wonder if we are sometimes too quick to hit the medicine cabinet or the pharmacy counter in search of cures when there are more natural alternatives.

I forgot to knock on wood

I started a post yesterday about how I was feeling good and getting stuff done for myself that I haven’t taken care of in a while. Basically, how good life is.

Never EVER do this. Because once you write something happy and uplifting like that ^, fate will feel you tempting it and do things like this:

– A jury duty summons that says you absolutely, positively have to go and there is no getting out of it this time. And the date you have to go is a Friday which means you don’t even get to miss work and you need to find childcare. And it’s right after you get back from vacation.

– You go to get online and your laptop is all frozen and you can’t do anything important like read blogs. So you restart it. And. It. Won’t. Restart. You get this funny file folder with a question mark bouncing up and down on the screen that is trying not to look too menacing, but you know it can’t be good. And in fact might mean that the first 15 months of your baby’s life in photos are gone. Poof! And now you must find time to go to the stupid Apple store and wait for the computer doctors to try to revive it.

– You brag about losing 10 pounds and feeling good then you go to the dermatologist and sit under a really bright fluorescent light (naked, of course) that shows off just how much work you have left to do.

– You get a notice that Typepad is shutting down your blog because you haven’t paid your bill. You haven’t paid your bill because you had to cancel your debit card AGAIN because someone is spending your money in Florida AGAIN.

– I’ve decided that I have to fire someone tomorrow. I’ve never done this before and I’m really, really nervous.

Gee. All that in the last 24 hours. I am one LUCKY, lucky girl. I say that sarcastically, but the truth is that I am lucky. These are all fixable problems. (Well, maybe all of them except how I look naked under fluorescent lighting.) I just wish my problems had spaced themselves out a bit. But, this is the way of the world. I must pay for my vacations up front. The countdown is ON: 6 days.

The Big Chill

Monday morning I was awoken by Spencer at the late, late hour of 8:15am. Unusual. Especially since he’d gone to bed at 6:15 the night before (earlier than usual). I could hear him talking, but not yet crying so I closed my eyes for another few luscious minutes of rest in my nice warm bed.

As the talking started to veer towards upset squawking, I decided to get up and start our day. As I turned the doorknob and started into Spencer’s room, I was hit with a blast of cold air. Like Arctic cold. Like I could see my breath cold. It was quickly apparent that while I was toasty in my room, the heater had stopped working in Spencer’s room. My little guy was a little ice cube – I have no idea how he slept like that. Luckily, he was already sick, so I can’t feel totally guilty about the rattling sound in his chest.

So, a new heater is on the way. In the meantime, my repentance is that we all get to sleep in one room together. Last night I think I got about 8 minutes of sleep between Spencer’s heavy breathing and his frantic search for his pacifiers (I put 5 in there – how can they be that hard to find?) and listening to my husband toss and snore and worrying about whether he was going to wake up Spencer. Oy. And then to add to it all, I came into work this morning and we had no heat for the first 4 hours. Oh well, it’s only the coldest week of the year. Who needs heat? Or sleep?

How we roll around these parts

He’s walking! He’s walking!

Now the big question is – What to worry about next?

Run before you Walk

Running before you walk is not recommended in most circles. Spencer is a little too young to learn this lesson, so I think he’s going to continue trying to run for awhile. I have no doubt that he could walk, but he chooses not to. Instead he is trying to run.

I just got back from my Weight Watchers meeting. (I walked there- I rarely run anywhere.) I’ve lost 8.6 pounds in just 2 weeks. Wowser. I am flabbergasted. It’s way more than the recommended 2 pounds per week weight loss. But, I’ve been sticking to the plan and not depriving myself in any way. I feel a little bit like I don’t deserve it. But, at the same time: 8.6 pounds! I think my challenge now is to just keep it up. Success has come a little too easily, which while awesome for fitting into jeans, isn’t that good for the old mind. It makes me want to slack a bit – this is so easy, I can cut corners. Must stay strong.

Speaking of corners, I had a guy really back himself into one yesterday during an interview. I always ask potential candidates an open ended question like – "What are your impressions of the site?" Mostly I just want to make sure they did some homework before the interview to gauge their interest in the job. Rarely does anyone fail this part of the interview. But, this guy.. well, see for yourself:

Me: So, what are your impressions of our website?

Him: Well, I’m not a mom.

Me: [Internally: Duh! You’re a guy.]

Him: But, I guess if I like had kids or something… And I was having problems with them… Well, I wouldn’t go to site like this and tell other people about it. I’d just beat the crap out of the kids. You know?

And he was serious I think. No "ha,ha’s" or punchline. That was his answer. And that was my cue to run, not walk, out of that interview.

Travel, My Love

I still haven’t decided if I like Eat, Pray, Love yet. At moments, I find Elizabeth Gilbert immature and annoying. But other times, she says things that just make SO much sense to me.

The other night on the way home, I listened to this passage. Then I listened to it again. And then again. It explained to me my own feelings about travel that I haven’t always been able to explain to others, including myself.

… Traveling is the great true love of my life. … To travel is worth any cost or sacrifice. I am loyal and constant in my love for travel, as I have not always been loyal and constant in my other loves. I feel about travel the way a happy new mother feels about her impossible, colicky, restless newborn. I just don’t care what it puts me through. Because I adore it. Because it’s mine. Because it looks exactly like me. It can barf all over me. I just don’t care.

Yes, yes, yes.  I ,too, feel unconditional love for travel. Even the longest of delays, the most annoying fellow passengers, the worst food – I still love it. I’ve never quite been able to explain this to my husband. He enjoys the destination, but hates the actual travel piece – the airports, the delays, the flights. But, me, I love every last morsel. I love airports. I love flying. And surely they test my love when I’m pregnant and crammed in economy class with no legroom on a 12-hour flight to Tokyo. But, I deal with travel’s trials the way I might deal with a certain toddler’s temper tantrum at the grocery store. It’s not fun, but it goes along with the whole package. Never once during the tantrum do I question my love for Spencer. Do I wish it were easier and there were no badness to complement the goodness? Of course. But, in the end, I still love travel (and Spencer) unconditionally.

Last weekend we booked our first big trip since Spencer was born. As with every trip, the planning alone makes me giddy. So many places to go in my lifetime – how to narrow it down to just one to go to now? We’re heading to Arizona in a few week’s time for a little family adventure. It will be our first plane trip with Spence and I’m prepared for this to be one of the most enjoyable and challenging travels I’ve undertaken. But, a little piece of me feels reignited – a little spark of my pre-mom life has been rekindled and is burning bright again. And it feels great!

Dreams

Have you read Eat, Pray, Love? I just started listening to the audio version yesterday, but this book has been haunting me ever since I saw the author on Oprah awhile ago. The segment I saw had a very simple premise: What are your dreams? And the audience was filled with women who after reading the book had written down their dreams and started doing them. They mentioned things like skydiving, writing a novel, taking dance class, running a marathon, etc.

Ever since seeing that show I’ve been thinking about the question. What are my dreams? At first it seems like an uplifting sort of exercise, but I’m finding it depressing. I don’t dream of skydiving or dancing and definitely not running a marathon. I don’t know what my dreams are. I’m finding myself staring down at a blank sheet of paper.

I can recall dreams that I’ve had at other points in my life. I’ve wanted to be a yoga instructor. I’ve wanted to travel the world as a travel writer. But, I don’t really want to do these things anymore. I’m not sure if I’m not interested in them or if the everyday life duties have worn me down to the point where I’m unable to dream. (See, I told you this is depressing.)

When I think about what I want it usually involves sleep, vacation, early retirement, and fitting into my skinny jeans. I have dreams for Spencer – I want him to grow up feeling loved, with lots of opportunities, being both healthy and happy. I want a strong, healthy marriage and to spend the rest of my life with my husband. I suppose these are dreams of sorts, but they feel a bit more like goals than dreams.

So, my question is – how do I open myself up to dreaming again? How do I get beyond the daily grind to think big again? Or, do you really need to have these kind of dreams to be happy – is it possible to just be content living your life day by day?

1 year, 2 months, 1 week

I’ve been negligent in my monthly posts since Spencer turned 1, but I do want to try to keep writing them because I really don’t want to forget all the little things – those sweet (and not so sweet) moments that are so fun (or not so fun) and that pass by so quickly you want to gobble them up, but never quite have the time. And, so today as Spence turns 1 year, 2 months, and 1 week old,  I’m going to take a step back and reminisce.

We’ll start with the elephant in the room: walking. We’ve been walking hand in hand for many, many, many weeks now. Well, perhaps I shouldn’t call it walking. It’s more like running. But, running on a ship that’s tossing in the waves. A few quick steps right, then left, then run forward, pause to get balance. Up until yesterday, he would only walk when holding onto something – either cruising on the furniture, walking behind a push toy, or holding a hand. Yesterday he finally let go and starting tottering between furniture without holding on. I’m very emotionally attached to his development. I felt a surge of elation and adrenaline when he let go of the window sill and walked ran to the book case. Go! Go! Go!

He’s also learning his body parts one at a time. Two weeks ago, it was all about his head. Last week it was his leg and head was all but forgotten – he’d pull up his pant leg and show a glimpse of his adorable gams. (Melt). This week it’s on to belly button. He lifts his shirt and points to his "button". Very cute, when he lifts his own shirt, though not quite as cute when he lifts mine!

His level of understanding surprises me all the time. He’s very interested in figuring out how things work. He doesn’t just knock down his tower of blocks now – he tries to figure out other things he can do with them like stack them inside one another or put them in box. In fact, he’s quite obsessed right now with putting things away. Like he’ll take all the clean, folded laundry out of the basket, but then he’ll put it back in. But, then he’ll take it back out again, get distracted by something and… He also likes to pick up all the lint, crumbs, and assorted other debris that he comes across on the carpet. But, he won’t eat it (unless it’s shaped like a cheerio). He’ll just hold out his hand with the offending piece of icky and wait impatiently until I come and take it from him. But, at least I don’t have to vacuum anymore.

All in all, my little boy is growing up. And I’m trying to keep up with him. He’s definitely taking the lead now – showing his independence and telling me what he needs and wants. Every day is an adventure (the good kind) chock full of smiles and tears.