The view from my blog this week

Yes, ah, vacation is here. That’s the view from my deck. The timing is superb since this week was pretty much the most stressful week ever.

So far this vacation:

– The 2-hour drive took 6 hours. In our car with no air conditioning (because I didn’t get a chance to take it to the shop last week because I had no childcare all week.)

– We heard a boy fall off his bike across the creek and break his wrist and scream and scream and scream in pain.

– And Spencer found a way to do this:

But, it’s ok, because it’s still vacation.

My 8

I got tagged by Sheri to reveal 8 things about myself. Are you ready for this?

8. I played the trombone in 4th grade. I quit because the bus driver wouldn’t let me put the trombone in the aisle and I didn’t like sharing a seat with it.

7. I am a clutz. I dare you to find a day when I don’t have at least one sizeable bruise on my body.

6. Despite being a clutz, I played varsity basketball and tennis in high school. It was hard work, not natural athleticism that kept me on the teams.

5. My college roommate had the last name of "Hamburger". On our getting to know you letters we sent each other before our freshman year, she told me that she played the flute, played hockey, and liked to lift weights. I thought she was going to be really fat, but she was really thin.

4. I only take my watch off to shower.

3. I have a lot of cavities. And I hate the dentist. Which came first?

2. I watched the twin towers burn on Sept 11. My office at the time was located on the Hudson River and we had a perfect view of downtown Manhattan. I watched the fires burning for awhile. Then I went inside to listen to the news. The next time I looked the towers were gone.

1.  I met my husband at work while I was dating living with someone else. Scandal! Don’t you wish I was blogging back then?

If you haven’t shared your 8 things yet, consider yourself tagged!

Turning down the worry volume

I’m worried that I worry too much. Seriously. I’m a worrier. I worry about everything – big and small. Sometimes my mind gets so overwhelmed with all these worries that my brain starts to short circuit.

A partial list of things I’ve worried about in the past 24 hours:

– poop (well, actually lack thereof)

– the astronomical total due on our electric bill

– when i’m going to pack for our upcoming trip

– whether i’ll remember to pack everything we need for our upcoming trip

– if we’re going to be able to get our car’s AC fixed in time for upcoming trip

– if we can’t get AC fixed, whether it’s going to be too hot a drive for Spence

– why isn’t spence sleeping anymore? is something wrong?

– is it going to  harm his development if he continues not to sleep?

– where are his teeth?

– if i’m being mean too my husband because i’m stressed from all this worry (yes!)

– i’m not keeping in touch with my sister. i should email. or call.

– i’m neglecting my bridesmaid duties. i should ask more questions about the wedding.

– if i’m going to be able to find a babysitter in washington dc. if not, what do we do that night?

– work. (big, huge issues that i can’t write about here)

– that i haven’t lost my baby weight yet. 9 months on, 9 months off. i only have 1 month left.

– that i sounded dumb in the podcast interview i did friday. i don’t want anyone to listen to it.

– i haven’t babyproofed the house yet.

– is the landlord going to raise our rent?

– do i watch too much tv?

– will anybody notice that i’m blogging instead of working? (esp worrying since i didn’t get in until 2 because my nanny called in sick)

Shall I continue? You get the point. That’s a lot of worries – some big, some small. But, all occupying valuable space in my noggin. I’m really good at prioritizing at work – it’s so easy for me. But, I can’t seem to prioritize the worries. Surely there’s some stuff I should let go. But it seems like once a thought gets in my head, it won’t budge.

I know I’m not going to change. I’m always going to be a worrier. I’m so jealous of the those happy-go-lucky types that do spontaneous things and worry about the consequences later. It seems like such a better way to live. I just need to find a way to manage the worries without getting to the point of total ugly breakdown. You know, days like today. 

Where has my little baby gone?

I wish life had a pause button. I want to pause things right now so I have time to soak everything in. I’m feeling a bit a lot overloaded and fear I’m not enjoying this time as much as I should be. (More parental guilt – it never ends!)

Spence is going through this crazy developmental phase right now. Every day I seem to discover something new he can do.

– He’s sitting up. And sitting up. And sitting up. He doesn’t fall over anymore unless he wants to.

– He likes to "read" books by himself. He’ll sit and page through the books and totally entertain himself while we eat dinner. How cool is that?

– He gets bedhead now. His hair is growing so fast. Freakin’ cutest thing ever.

– He’s starting to hold his own bottle.

– He plays peek-a-boo. He’s not just laughing at me playing peek-a-boo anymore. He’s finding things to hide his face behind and initiating the play. When did he get so smart?

– He’s so very close to crawling. He’s up on his hands and knees and rocking. But hasn’t quite figured out how to motor. It’s frustrating him so much. I’m  convinced every night when I walk in the door that I’ll be greeted by a crawler.

All this development does seem to come at a cost. He hasn’t been sleeping well this week – up 2 or 3 times a night again. Which, of course, in turn, doesn’t help me be alert enough to enjoy the moment. Oy vey.   

PS – I know. I know. This post should have photos! Bedhead photo. Crawling photo. Bottle photo. I’m seriously behind in my photo obligations. But, I suppose it’s better to be enjoying these things up close and not from behind a photo lens.

Two Years Ago Today

I was getting ready for this:

I must admit it feels like a lot longer ago then two years. A distant memory. All that work and planning and how is it that I can hardly remember it? Thank goodness for all the photo documentation we have to jog my memory.

I wonder how it would feel today if we hadn’t had Spence so quickly? What would these 2 years have been like for us? I think "completely different" is the best answer. There’s no way of knowing. We would have taken more vacations to exotic places. And we probably would be closer in some ways – the ways you’re closer when you aren’t completely drained at the end of the day and you have time to devote to each other.

There’s truly nothing that could compare to the closeness of having a child together. But, it’s never just the two of us anymore. Even when we have the fleeting time alone together, we’re not really alone. Our thoughts and often our conversation have a way of creeping back to Spence even when we try to concentrate on each other.

I’ll admit I’d like more wifely attention some days. A huge slathering of love to make the tired go away. To make me feel beautiful. To be silly and playful like we used to be. And I wish I had more to give my husband. More love. More appreciation. More thank you’s for being such an awesome hands-on father. He deserves so much.

It’s definitely not been easy, but I think we’re weathering it well. And I do see some light – things are getting a bit easier. We’re getting a bit more sleep these days.  It’s a little easier to find time to ourselves.  And when all else fails we have an amazing little boy to remind us of how beautiful our love is. 

Vacation With Kids

There should be a different word for vacation with kids. Because it’s similar to vacation pre-kids, you still get to sleep in a bed that’s not yours, but pretty much everything else is different.

Before:
Pick the hotel room with the comfiest bed and a location near the bars so you can stumble home. You enjoy perks like in-room massages and a stacked mini bar.

After:
Pick the hotel room with an efficiency kitchen and wall-to-wall carpeting for your little roller. You feel like you won the lottery when you discover the room has a walk-in closet big enough for a pack ‘n play. Score!

Before:
You enjoy big, romantic lobster dinners while sipping chilled wine and watching the sun set over the harbor.

After:
You enjoy big lobster dinners with the senior citizens taking advantage of the early bird special. You overhear conversations like "Ethel, will you look at that boat. How much do you think they paid for it? Is that Billy Joel on that boat? Does he have a boat?" "What? Did you say something to me Gertrude? I took my hearing aid out because it’s too loud in here."

Before:
You wake up to torrential rains and decide to just stay in bed for a few hours, relaxing and reading a good book. When you get bored, you switch to gossip magazines.

After:
You wake up to torrential rains, say a few choice words, then spend the next 5 hours playing peek-a-boo and trying to remember the words to "The Wheels on the Bus".  When you get bored, you get out the video camera and try to make entertaining videos of your son rolling around.

So, it’s not the exactly the same but, this new kind of vacation does have its merits. You do get to spend LOTS of time together, which to working parents who don’t get enough family time is pretty darn awesome and more than makes up for all the other stuff you miss about your old vacations.

Our ocean view which finally emerged after the rain & fog lifted:

Spence’s "Bonus" Room:

Our first dip in the pool:


Mom, I’m tired of the pool. Get me out!

So many things to try to eat!!!

Lil Surfer Dude

I’m posting this pic for safe keeping so that when I’m back at work tomorrow I can gaze at it and think warm, fuzzy vacation thoughts.

Gone to the beach

Be back Tuesday. I’m off to the land of sand (sand that gets everywhere and is oh so tempting to eat).

TV Time = Guilty Time

The thing you learn quickly as a mom (and even as a mom-to-be) is that there is no end to the constant stream of guilt we heap upon ourselves. My latest guilty obsession is TV and whether I’m somehow harming my son’s development with the boob tube.

Here’s the situation. I get home from work at 7pm. The nanny hands Spencer off to me. It’s his bedtime so I immediately get him in his PJs while we talk and sing and get him a bottle. Then we go to the couch and I give him his bottle to begin our bedtime routine (which stretches anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours. Many nights I go to bed as soon as he finally falls asleep at 10). While he has his bottle, I we watch Oprah or The View or whatever talk show I recorded that day. It’s my time to unwind. But recently I’m feeling guilty about it because he suddenly seems very interested in what’s on the TV. He watches and laughs now, whereas before I felt like he was somwhat mesmerized by the flashing box, but not really seeing the images.

Should I stop watching TV at night? I honestly feel like it’s a bit of a sanity saver for me. It’s very difficult for me to come straight from work to bedtime (THE most stressful few hours in our household because Spence is not easy to get to sleep) and not have that time to let go of my day and recharge a bit.

And should we be limiting any TV viewing that we do to kid programs? Is exposing my son to Oprah and Rosie worse than The Wiggles?

On the positive side, this discussion came up in one of my message boards and moms with babies the same age talked about how their kids get excited when certain shows come on TV. Spence does not yet show this kind of reaction to Oprah thank god.

And, he doesn’t watch any TV during the day. So, that helps lessen my guilt a bit.

But on the other side there is the American Academy of Pediatrics recommendation that kids not watch any TV before the age of 2. (Do the people making these recommendations actually have kids?) And rumblings that TV viewing could trigger ADHD or autism.

So, what’s a mama to do? How do you deal with TV viewing in your house?

Random thoughts this morning

How can so much snot come out of such a little nose?

Do I have any chance of not getting sick when both my boys are sick?

Crap. The sick will probably wait a few days and try to ruin our mini-break to the beach next weekend.

Do I need to buy him any sort of swim safety gear like a life vest or arm wings at this age? We’ll obviously be holding him in the water.

When will sleep come easily for us? I’m so tired of the unpredictability of my nights.

Maybe CIO isn’t such a bad idea.

When does the hair pulling phase end? Spencer is fascinated with my hair. And my glasses.

Spence loves playing with the computer. It’s the only "toy" he gets upset about when we take it away? Prodigy? Geek?

His other favorite "toys" are the remote control and my cell phone. If I could make something to babyproof electronic devices, I’d be rich.

I take Spencer to Mommy/Baby yoga every some Fridays. We started when he was 5 weeks and he was the youngest. Now he’s one of the oldest. When he starts crawling we won’t be able to go anymore. I’ll miss it. I look at the tiny babies in the class and hear their shrill non-human-like cries and I don’t miss it. I like this age so much more.

I meant to join Weight Watchers last week, but put it off again. I’ve been substituting coffee for chocolate. It curbs my cravings. But, probably not too good for my insides.

I ordered 2 bathing suits from Land’s End yesterday. Rush delivery for our trip this weekend. I bought the suits that are currently in my closet for our honeymoon. Gawd, I was a skinny bitch then. This time I bought ones with tummy reducing panels in them.

Spence still has exactly zero teeth. Everyone we’ve seen for the past 2 months has told us "Oh, he’s definitely working on some teeth." Apparently, he just loves the taste of his hand and is a prolific drooler.

Um. This nap is now officially 2 hours long. WTF?