Coming up for air

Once again, the confluence of "stuff" in life has left me unable to blog. I'm unable to blog because I'm treading water, struggling to keep my head above the water, unable to find those moments of clarity that allow me to write. But, I want to write because writing helps me make sense of it all, so I'm going to give it a try.

I'll start with the housing situation. A few weeks ago we signed a new lease on our current apartment – our landlord refused to allow us to go month-to-month so we negotiated an 8-month lease. A few days later we stopped by an open house and found "the one". It's not a house, but it's a condo with all the things we were looking for in a house. We put in an offer and it was accepted the next day. We did the inspection and there were no surprises. Things were flying and it looked like we'd need moving boxes soon (and to deal with breaking that new lease). But, then our lawyer started reviewing the contract and found a mystery clause that basically says we have to pay $500 per month for the yard and storage. The same yard and storage which  we were told were free for us to use. So, we're at a standstill. Apparently the clause was inserted by the building owner not the sellers. The building owner is out of town. And while we wait, the entire mortgage structure in this country is melting down. Good times.

What else.. Oh, Spencer is going to be 2 next month despite my efforts to freeze him in time. I'm planning a party for him. And he bites now. But, he now longer drinks out of bottles. I can't stop watching the news – I'm frightened by what's going on in the economy and what this collapse is going to do to New York City. I'm also frightened by the Presidential election and that some people actually think John McCain and Sarah Palin should be in charge of this country. I'm launching a big new project at work and have 9 new hires starting tomorrow (9!). I also had to fire someone this week. I'm still sick – this cold just won't go away. I had an MRI last week for "female issues" (turns out nothing serious is wrong with me, but waiting for results was STRESSFUL). I gained 2.4 pounds this month and had to pay at my Weight Watchers weigh-in yesterday since I'm over my goal weight. Friday is my birthday and we're going to Florida for a long weekend to celebrate. I'm very excited for the vacation, but not sure how I'm going to get all my work in order in the next 3 days and get the family packed this week.

Hey! I feel better already. Honestly. ^ That all sounds manageable. And regardless of anything, I'll be sipping fruity alcoholic beverages by the pool in 4 days. So, what am I complaining about. I'll be quiet now.

Oh, and check this out. I now have a kitty cat:

Still here…

…just sniffly and sinusy and allergy and sneezy. Be back soon writing again – just gotta get caught up on life – it's been busy!

 

Nevermind

Nevermind, that post about how easy things are. My little angel stopped sleeping almost immediately after I wrote it. Last night he was up from 1-5 AM. Ugh. He just wants to play and I just want to sleep. It was somehow easier to ignore the late night shenanigans when he was just babbling. But, now it's "Dada come!" "Mama up!" "Paci fall down!" – and I find it much, much harder to sleep through.

I'm going to take this sleep disruption as an opportunity to wean him from the nighttime bottle. Any tips or tricks? Should I give him a sippy cup instead of a bottle in his crib or just try to go cold turkey?

No words

I received an email this afternoon that's really left me numb. A friend lost her daughter today. The email was just two sentences – the second was a request not to be contacted right now. I wish I had some words that could comfort them right now, but there is nothing. 

I've read the first sentence over and over – the one that says her daughter died today and I try to imagine her writing it. Was she in shock and just going through the motions? Had she composed it in her head while her daughter was in surgery just in case, hoping never to actually have to write the words? Do you proofread something like that or just hit send as quickly as possible to make it disappear?

I don't even know the circumstances because I haven't been a very good friend. It was a work friendship – we shared an office for years and knew the intimate details of each other's private lives that come with sharing a small space. I threw her a baby shower 5 years ago when she was pregnant with her daughter – the one who should be going to kindergarten this year, but isn't.  With her second child she left to stay home and we gradually started to lose touch. Then came Facebook and we re-connected. She told me her daughter had been diagnosed with a heart condition, but I didn't really ask any questions. Maybe I should have, but maybe if I'm being really honest, I didn't want to know. As a mom, there is nothing scarier than being confronted with the fact that all kids don't grow up to be healthy adults. I knew she was in Baltimore for surgery via Facebook updates, but hadn't bothered to send a note.

I went back to that Facebook page today and looked at the photos of her 3 smiling kids and started weeping. It seems unfathomable to me that one of them is gone. I wish I knew how to offer some comfort, but I don't think there is anything I can do. I hope that they find a way to get through this. I hope they are able to find some comfort in their other two children. I hope they get the support they need from family and friends.

😦

Is it supposed to be this easy?

Please excuse my bragging, but I must share the goodness that is going on right now with my Spence. We've hit this smooth patch that is I must write about so I can come back and read this when times aren't so awesome in the future.

Parenting has suddenly become easy. Like really easy. Spencer sleeps 12 hours a night. He likes to nap. When he's awake he's happy. Like really happy. He just wants to play and laugh. He has an active imagination – his blocks are suddenly choo-choos and he needs to use a key to start his bike. He likes to eat and isn't picky. He likes to take baths again. He likes to run through the sprinklers, play in the dirt, and throw balls. He's just a lot of fun to be around.

Oh, and then there's that other little thing: he potty trained himself. He decided he didn't want to poop in diapers anymore and has pooped exclusively in the potty for 2 weeks now. No urging from us. No M&M's as bribes. I still don't quite believe – every day I wait for a regression.

I wonder if this is payback for the difficulties we had when he was a wee baby? He certainly wasn't easy then and I watched with jealousy as family and friends have all had "easy" babies. I know this phase won't last, just like all the bad phases didn't last forever, and I'm trying to just enjoy it while it's here. I'm trying not to worry about the things I think I should be doing like getting rid of his nighttime bottle and paci. Just live in this glorious moment and soak in all its goodness while it lasts.

How I’d Quit

Do you ever think about quitting life? I'm not talking about suicide. I'm just talking about quitting all the annoying, stressful, icky parts and then enjoying whatever's left over. I've been thinking about my version of quitting a lot lately. It would look something like this:

I'd be magically transported (with no moving day drama, mortgage stress, or realtors) to a beautiful house in the country. It would be a big beautiful house isolated from its neighbors, with a big yard, an inground pool, a wide front porch, and a view over the valley. At this house, I wouldn't be responsible for its maintenance in any way – it would always be clean and the grass would always be cut. There would be no bills to pay and and I wouldn't be worried about whether 3 diapers is enough to get through tomorrow or if my son is too old for a nighttime bottle.

I'd be joined by my husband and son. I'd cook us beautiful, healthy meals using pre-prepped, organic, locally grown ingredients that had been laid out for me on our kitchen island. I wouldn't have to grocery shop or meal plan or chop onions – just cook what's given to me. 

Barack Obama would already be our president, so I wouldn't have to worry about the election anymore.

The only work I'd do would be to pursue creative projects, but I wouldn't feel guilty if sometimes I didn't feel like working on them.

Family and friend (blog readers included) would be welcome to visit us anytime, but they wouldn't expect to be entertained and they wouldn't leave a mess behind.

We'd leave our beautiful house from time to time to go on travels. We'd go to Italy and Croatia with no travel delays, no line at security, and all the delcious food we could eat on the plane. We'd stay in an equally beautiful villa and live our beautiful life before returning home to plan our next trip.

What does quitting look like for you?

Tuesday is the new Monday

It's Tuesday, but it felt like a Monday since it was the first day back to work. But, the good thing is that I only have 2 days of work left this week, so Thursday is totally going to be the new Friday. Or something like that…

We had a fun NYC weekend. I finally made it to the Bronx Zoo, which is a real zoo with real animals, as opposed to our Brooklyn Zoo, which I love for its proximity, but little else. We got soaked in the spray from the fountain in Grand Army Plaza. We watched the West Indian Day parade and ate fried plaintains.

And we shredded. And  shredded. And shredded. 3 years worth of old bills, bank statements, paystubs, and assorted other papers I'd felt the need to hang on to after reading Smart Couples Finish Rich. Well, apparently rich people have more storage space than we do. The papers were starting to take over our office/closet/child's room. It felt good to purge.

And now for the photos: