Last night I raided the minibar…

… to make room for my pumped milk.

Nothing quite promotes romance like a breast pump – right?

We had a fun night out in Manhattan though it took a late afternoon Guinness for us to be able to relax and stop spending every moment missing Spencer.We were back at the hotel in bed by 10:30pm because that’s what this night was all about – SLEEP. A night of uninterrupted sleep. We even got upgraded to a suite which was cool and everything, but all that really mattered was that the room was dark, quiet, and the bed was big and comfy. ZZZZZZZ.

Questions I’ve asked myself in the last 24 hours

Do I really need to keep the oven door open when I’m broiling? What happens if I close it?

It’s 4am. Will anyone notice if I don’t change Spencer’s clothes even though he peed through his diaper?

Will he stay asleep long enough for me to shower?

Will he stay asleep long enough for me to write a blog entry?

How’s he going to do tomorrow night not sleeping with me? He’s slept in my arms every night since he was born.

How am I going to do tomorrow night not sleeping with him? He’s slept in my arms every night since he was born.

How much of this bitter, no-dairy chocolate bar can I eat without him going haywire after his next feeding?

When should I stop breastfeeding?

Should I confront the nanny about her obvious dislike of using formula?

How many days until our vacation?

When am I going to watch LOST? I can’t believe I haven’t heard anything about the episode yet – maybe it wasn’t very good.

Did Grey’s Anatomy jump the shark? Last night’s episode was horrible. I should have watched Lost instead.

Do my pants fit yet? I’m too scared/lazy to try them on again.

Is it naptime?

Elusive Sleep

Our weekend overnight getaway got postponed because the boneheads in Pennsylvania couldn’t figure out how to plow the roads and grandma couldn’t make it here. But, we’re going to try again next weeekend.

At first I was bummed, but I got to spend a 4-day weekend with this little rascal. So, I ain’t complaining.

I submitted that last photo to Best Shot Monday, a little something Tracey at Picture This does each week. Tracey is one of the sweetest, most talented moms around – she takes awesome photos and can make the amateurs like me feel like we know what we’re doing.

good night and good luck

This is a BIG weekend for us. We’re leaving Spencer for the night. Granted we are only going about 5 miles away and my mom is coming to watch him (thanks mom!), BUT we are LEAVING HIM OVER NIGHT!

For V-day, I got Ian a night of sleep. It involves a king size bed at a hotel in Manhattan. In fact, I picked this very hotel because lots of people on tripadvisor said the beds are comfy.

The best part of this gift? I get to enjoy it too!

It’s been so long since I’ve had a long, full night of sleep. First there’s the restless nights when you are pregnant, getting up to pee 5 times a night, too many thoughts running through your head to fall back to sleep, pains in your hip, pains in side. Then since Spencer was born my longest stretch of sleep has probably been 3 hours. (Even when he sleeps longer, it’s in bed with me and he wakes me up with his movements.)

So, while I’m going to be sad to leave the little guy and am concerned about how he’ll sleep without me in bed next to him and I’m concerned about how this might affect the supply issues I’m having and on and on … I’m equally excited to SLEEP ALL NIGHT!

Update especially for the not-yet moms

Remember back when this site freaked me out about what my body would look like postpartum?

I was thinking about it this morning while I was trying to pull my pre-baby jeans up (still a bit tight). Well, I’m happy to report that I didn’t need to be freaked out. While my body is not quite what it was pre-baby, I’m certainly not afraid to look in the mirror.

So, not-yet-moms reading, go now and procreate without fear. I want to see lots of cute baby photos SOON!

Project Exersaucer

So, we went ahead and bought an exersaucer this weekend. Spencer would like
to thank you all for not mentioning what a pain these things are to
assemble or his mommy and daddy might not have been so keen to buy it
for him.

So far, I think he’s a little unsure of it. One of the
toys scared him the first day, but in general he just looks a little
perplexed by the whole thing. But he does bounce around a little bit in
it and I’m sure he’s going to grow into it nicely (right???).

But, of course, given the option, he’ll choose his hands over a toy any day…

Breast is best… for how long?

Three blog posts in one day… Clearly I’m getting a lot of work done today.

I’m having this pressing internal debate about whether I should stop breastfeeding.

Side A says: Don’t stop. Breast is best. Even if Spencer has some belly issues, it’s the best thing for him. Plus, think about how hard you worked to get to the point where you could feed him like you do now. Remember those 6 weeks of pain you endured to get to this point? Just be more careful with what you eat – it’s not forever. If you give it up, you’ll miss the closeness you feel to him now.

Side B says: You’ve persevered through pain. Given up cheese. Now you’ve added eggs to the list of no-no foods. But, Spencer is still having problems every other week with throwing up and painful gas. He’s in pain. You feel guilty. Just find a formula that works for him and you’ll both be happier.

I know that nobody can make this decision for me, but I throw it out here in the blogosphere in case anyone has any wisdom to impart.

Like father like son?

I just came across some baby photos of my hubby that I had scanned in a few years ago. It’s the first time I’ve looked at them since we had Spencer. What do you think? Do they look alike?

Hubby:

Spence:

Existing

As luck would have it, our car wouldn’t start yesterday. I
had to call a tow truck and get a jumpstart so I could move it last night (the
joys of alternate side parking rules in New
  York City!). The man from the service station told me
to drive around for 30 minutes to fully charge the battery. So, there it was:
30 minutes of silence for me. 30 minutes alone with myself and only the hum of
the car’s heater. And, so I drove around in circles and had some time to think.

 

Pre-baby I had lots of time to think. And I would fixate on
things like “Am I happy?” “What would make me happier?” There was always
something. Last night I realized I haven’t thought like this in months. My life
is no longer about me – I am part of something much bigger now. I have someone
relying on me for his every meal, for his well-being – for his life.  In yoga class, I hear a lot about living in
the now and not fixating on the past or the future. While I don’t think I’ve
undergone any kind of spiritual enlightenment, I have been way too busy simply
existing to spend time worrying about anything but the now. 

Eventually, I asked myself the inevitable question – “Am I
happy?” I had to think about it for a few blocks. I am not happy in the “Tom
Cruise jump on the couch” kind of way. Let’s be honest – I’m way too tired for any kind of
jumping. Life is stressful, too. I feel like I’m always running from one place
to another. Never enough time. I’m not able to be the mother, wife, friend, or
co-worker that I would like to be. But, my life is full. Full of stress and
sleepless nights. But, more importantly full of joy in a way I have never
experienced before. 

It was nice to
have a few minutes to stop and reflect on how I’m feeling. I haven’t been
writing much because I haven’t had much to write about – life is simply about
eating, sleeping, working – just getting by. I hadn’t taken the time to stop
and think about how these daily motions are making me feel. The joy is not
exuding out of my pores, but it’s there right below the surface – It just took a dead battery for me to find it.  I guess you could say that car ride recharged  me a bit too.

Burning Down the House

Ian just danced around the living room with Spencer to a Talking Heads soundtrack. Spencer fell asleep in his arms by the second song. Brilliant. And adorable. ZZZZZZZZZZZ.